Seeking...

"...seek and you will find..." (Matthew 7:7)

I hear this question a lot lately, "Are you hungry for God?"

My answer is always, "Yes, absolutely... I want more of Him than anything else."

I'm coming to grips with the fact that that answer isn't always 100%. It is true in theory. And perhaps, even in the moments that it is asked, I truly want to want Him more than anything else... But often times, actions don't line up with that statement.

After I make a statement like this, I often begin to analyze it. I'm really good at analyzing things. Somehow by nature, those who analyze things tend to stick to the negative. For many reasons. Generally, if you are analyzing something, you do so because you want to make it better. In order to make things better, you need to know what needs to be fixed, therefore drawing you to look at the negative things. Problem for me... I often don't get passed the negative things, and begin to beat myself to shreds over them.

So when I don't have a 100% answer to the question, "Are you hungry for God?" I begin to get a little upset with myself and wonder where I've gone wrong in my pursuit of Him..... This should not be so. Because the truth of the matter is, I AM after God and I DO want more of Him and I am growing in my pursuit of Him.

Am I always in a place of desperation? No.
Am I always having crazy dreams and seeing ridiculous stuff happen in my life? No.
Do I always spend uncountable hours in the face of God? No.

BUT... am I seeking? Yes.
Do I want more? Yes.
Do I genuinely love God and want more of Him? YES. YES!

So I've changed my SEARCH into a SEEK.

When you search for something, it's looking for something that is lost... but when you are seeking something, you are inquiring something that you have possession of with an intention to know it better.

I think, at times, I've had this mindset that just because I'm not experiencing God at a level that I know is available to me that I have somehow lost Him or that I have somehow got lost myself and I think I have to go back to square one with Him. But that just isn't so. Granted... In times that I feel like this, it is most often because I have slacked off in an important area and I have not taken good care of my relationship with Him. But I have not lost Him. I am not without Him at all.

I am His and He is mine. I am in possession of Him. His Spirit is inside of me. I do not need to try and find something that is not lost.... But that which I DO have, I need to seek out... and know more about. THAT is where the fun begins.

When you KNOW that you have God and that you love Him and want more of Him, and you begin to seek to know that more of Him... you enter into the most amazing, intriguing, beautiful, pursuit of not just your life... but eternity.

Will it always be easy? No... There are some agonizing moments. Those moments when you are seeking Him and He reveals something about Himself to you that forces you to make a decision about yourself. Like when you get a glimpse of how Holy He is and how nasty you are. You can either make a decision to walk away from His Holiness and neglect your nastiness... or you can allow Him to cleanse you and remove that which is keeping you from knowing more of Him. This is not pretty, not fun, not easy, and not always quick.

So many times I think we are just expecting to be at the end of a thing and don't take into account the time it takes to get to the point we want to be at. We want to be holy and pure and righteous and close to God and changing the world and doing all these incredible things. And its amazing to want these things... It is GOOD to desire these things. But in pursuit of knowing Him and all the things that come with Him... Don't beat yourself up if you aren't 'there' yet. Where is 'there' anyways?

There is ALWAYS more. Even when we have been with the Lord for a billion zillion kablillion years... there will still be more. ENJOY this time that you have to get to know Him. It should never get boring getting to know Him. But it IS a process...a beautiful one at that.

So keep seeking.... Be encouraged that you CAN know Him, that you CAN be holy, that you CAN walk in righteousness and that if you seek... YOU WILL FIND.